I enjoy prank answering!

Last night during dinner the phone rang. I looked at the caller ID and realized it was the same number that we kept ignoring 800-868-something so I decided to play a game with the person on the other end...

ME: Hello?
CALLER: Could I speak with Brain?

ME: I think you have the wrong number.
CALLER: There is no one named Brain there?

No, sorry.
Okay, is this Mrs. blank?

Yes.
Hello Mrs. blank how are you today?

Fine.
Mrs. blank do you have a cable television.

No. As strict Christians we do not believe in cable.
Do you watch television?

Yes.
What do you watch on television?

We watch one hour a day of biblical movies on VHS.
Excuse me?

We watch biblical movies. Movies about God.
Oh, I see. Then Mrs. blank would you be interested in satelite TV?

No.
Do you own televisions?

Yes, we own one.
And you do not have cable or satelite on this television?

No.
Let me tell you about satelite TV.

I am not interested.
I think you will like satelite television.

We, as Christians, believe that satelite is the work of the devil and I do not wish to hear about your satelite.
Excuse me, ma'am?

Satelite television is the work of the devil and I want you and your devil TV to not call here again.
uh...

Thank you, good day. (CLICK)

Pull your pants up!

It was my mother's first night in the rehab center. She finally fell asleep very late after going through physical therapy and taking Vicadin to ease the pain...both mental and physical I'm sure. Suddenly her bed started vibrating. Then she heard a man's voice saying, "Beverly...Beverly wake up." He proceeded to try waking my mother up by shaking the bed. My mother got very nervous. She wasn't nervous because the man was shaking the bed and yelling another woman's name or because the man had his pants around his knees...she was nervous because she didn't want him to climb into bed with her and hurt her knee! She pressed the call button and screamed for help. Six nurses and a maintenance guy came to her rescue and the man realized he must be in the wrong room. He then proceeded to go across the hall to find his wife who was actually at home unaware that it was time to do whatever it was this man wanted to do with his underwear around his knees. His underwear fell around his ankles and he fell in the hall where the staff grabbed him and took him away. My mother slept with the door shut tight every night after that!

My mother is out of rehab!

I've been busy! VERY busy!

My mother had knee replacement surgery on January 31. Seeing her on Morphine has been the highlight of the past few weeks! I pretty much sat there and laughed at her until they took the IV out...it was great! They moved her into a nursing home...sorry, rehab center and she's been there until about ten minutes ago. It's funny because when you don't tell people about the surgery and just say things like "I have to go visit my mother in rehab" people look at you funny. I didn't realize why until one of my friends said "oh, is she going to be okay?" and couldn't look at me in the eyes. I laughed and thought about the tens of people that probably think my mother is some sort of junky! HAHA! Well, she's on her way home right now and she plans to go out with her friends tonight...that's my girl! So many funny things happened while she was in there! BUT I think I'll leave you hanging for a bit so I can go eat lunch...